It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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