I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
