we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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