I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drunk is not a location!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
