I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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