Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
