There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
