There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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