If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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