the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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