Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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