woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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