I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
