Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
