Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
