I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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