Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you never un-have a 4some
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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