I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
