I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
