If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
