How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
