Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
