can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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