I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
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It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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