Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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