i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
