Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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