Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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