This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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