I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
