she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
