God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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