i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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