nut hugger
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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