"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
