I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
