omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This girl is more easily done than said...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
