i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
