Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
