i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
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