i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
