At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
