You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
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FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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