i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
