sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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