I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
