His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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