I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize