So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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