I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize