Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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