I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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