Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.