i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
