Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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