also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have post one night stand depression
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