Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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