everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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