I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
