I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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