When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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