HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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